Tarina: Peril from the North (Tarinaa ja nimeä muutettu)

[Lazuri]

Chapter 1 – A Mystical Woman

It was a stormy night. Thulurum sat behind the window looking outside while the rain bickered on the roof. His bright blue eyes glinted from the window as lightnings flashed the sky. He hardly saw the silhouette of a woman standing behind the gate. He squinted his eyes, not sure if he was or wasn't seeing apparitions. He took his holey jacket and big black scarf from the hat stand and he went outdoors. The woman was hiding under her cloak, but somehow Thulurum realized that she wasn’t all right. The woman’s big blue jacket was attrited from the bottom and her cloak was almost uncoloured. She tried to open the gate, but her arm was aching. Thulurum was still a bit scared. The woman hubbled, but she made his way through the forecourt to Thulurum’s house and to his bed. She fell asleep in an instant.

Next morning Thulurum woke up early. The weather was clear and bright and there were no signs of a storm. He went to the bedroom to be ascertained, that the woman and the stormy night wasn’t just dream. The bed was empty, but something inside him instructed him outdoors.

He heard creaking from the well. Somebody was using it. She saw woman drinking water from a bucket and raising her aspect. “He…Hello” he greeted her with a suspensive voice. The woman didn’t answer and she removed her cloak. The sadness from her eyes filled the garden and her scarred and bloody face was torturing Thulurum. “Do you need help?” Thulurum asked. “That’s why I came here”, woman said, “because I heard from my village’s chief that you are one of the best healers in the Thürna.” She continued.

Suddenly they heard massive roar from the forest. Anxiety filled their faces.

Chapter 2 – Revelations

They didn’t know where the voice came from. The voice sounded like a combination of sadness and appetite to kill. “W-what was that?” the woman asked. “I’m not sure. But I know that we don’t want to meet it.” Thulurum answered with a pensive voice. “We must go to the village. It is too dangerous to be here when something big is moving in the forest.” He continued. “Okay. Could anybody in the village know something about that roar?” the woman asked. “The council of elders in the village will answers our questions before noon. We must walk two hours without any stops if we want to know the answer. Do you have enough energy for it?” Thulurum said referring to the scars and ulcers of woman’s body. “Yes, I’m fine,” the woman answered.

They walked away from the Thulurum’s garden and went north. “Who are you, actually?” Thulurum asked. “My name is Rhona. I’m the daughter of king Dailei. He sent me to see you, because the bishop of Thürna is deathly ill. On the way to see you a demon attacked me and did these scars and ulcers.” Rhona said. Thulurum rubbed his eyes. “A-are you the most famous witch in Thürna?” he said. “Yes, yes I am. My powers were weak in comparison to the demon's. It stopped all of my spells with a wave of its hand. I nearly died in the attack.” Thulurum couldn’t believe what he heard.

They walked the rest of the travel in silence. Thulurum still thought about what he had just heard when they arrived to the village. The village was disfigured and cottages were burning, while cinder was covering dead bodies on the ground. “Someone, or something, has been here.” Thulurum said while he walked from body to body. No one was alive. “Maybe the goblins from the Great Mountains of Mysteries?” Rhona asked. “No. They never attack elves. Only something big can cause the death of so many elves.” Thulurum answered. His eyes attached to a small alley between the Inn and the Archer’s shop. There was something big and it moved. They heard the same roar as earlier. A huge demon looked at them with big black eyes. Thulurum and Rhona felt helpless, not knowing what to do.

Chapter 3 – The Demon

The demon slowly walked towards Thulurum and Rhona. “W-what’s that?” Rhona whispered. “I don’t know, but I know we don’t want to stay here!” Thulurum bellowed. They ran away as fast as they could, but the demon didn’t follow. “Let’s fly!” Rhona whispered and moved her hand in the air. She clutched Thulurum against her body and they hovered into the air and flew alongside of the walking demon. It continued walking and disappeared into the forest. They looked down into the village. There was only a big ashy area.

They flew away from the village. They didn’t have any idea where to go, they just flew. “Rhona! Look down! What’s that?” Thulurum bellowed. He pointed down to the ground. There was a long line of elves walking. “That must be the people from the village!” Rhona bellowed back. She descended and landed on the ground. Children’s crying stood out from the babble of speaking. “Why are you walking here?” Thulurum asked from old man who wore a big black hat and a green coat. “A big demon attacked our village. We escaped it” man answered. He was laconic and didn’t want to continue answering, so Thulurum and Rhona continued asking questions from the others. Vacancy could be heard from people’s voice.

They asked about the demon from a wise-looking man. “It’s from the north. The council of evil wizards seek to conquer land of elves. They created the demon in the volcano of darkness. It is very powerful and almost impossible to kill. Only a very powerful spell could kill it.” Man said. “Where we could find such a spell?” Thulurum asked. “From the Great Mountains of Mysteries. A wizard who lives in the valley in the middle of the Mountains has it” the man whispered. That information was very secret, seeing that the man didn’t want anybody to hear it. “That's an easy job. You can fly us there.” Thulurum said. “I-it’s not so easy. A great magical force protects the valley. If I fly inside it my all powers will disappear and we’ll drop from the sky like rocks. We must walk there.” Rhona cut in. “Exactly. It’s very dangerous to go there. You must travel with peril of dying.” the man said. “But there’s only goblins, right? We can easily kill them” Thulurum said with an admiring voice. The man laughed: “Are you kidding? Goblins are like birds compared to evils in the deeper parts of the Mountains.” “Thulurum, we should leave now.” Rhona said.

Rhona clutched Thulurum against her body and jumped up from the ground.

Chapter 4 – The Mountains

Rhona’s hair emitted as they arrived to Great Mountains. The day was sunny and there were no signs of sadness and destruction. Birds sung and the bees flew from flower to flower. “Nice day, eh?” Thulurum said.

“It looks like a nice day, but it isn’t. We will be in great danger, when we go deeper into the Great Mountains.“ Rhona answered.

Black clouds filled the sky as they walked deeper to the Mountains. Vultures revolved over them waiting to get a meal from tired wayfarers. Water in the streams were coloured with blood and the ground was filled with chewed bones. Rhona and Thulurum tried to disregard the horror that surrounded them. Rain drops splashed on their skin while lightnings filled the sky.

After a few hours of walking, they arrived to a small forest clearing. “We'll stay here over night. It’s too dangerous for us to go further. Darkness will fill this place in a few minutes.” Rhona said.

“Why does the wizard live here? This place smells like death.” Thulurum asked.

“This is the best place to live in if you have magical spell which are more powerful than the most horrifying and powerful monsters in the realm. I believe that you will be surprised when you meet that wizard.”

“What do you mean?”

“Patience, patience. It’s not the main objective of this trip. Good night.”

Thulurum closed his eyes and fell asleep.

Jatkoa luvassa.

[Country]

Upeaa! Osaat englantia todella hyvin ja osaat kertoa ihan sujuvasti. Itse en kirjoita englanniksi tarinoita, sillä kerrontani tuskin olisi ihan tätä luokkaa. Toivoisin, että kuvailisit hieman enemmän näitä päähenkilöitä, jotta heistä saisi jonkun kuvan. Kieliopillisesti kuitenkin hienossa kunnossa, sillä en löytänyt tuolta yhtään virhettä. Muutaman kohdan olisin kirjoittanut vain hieman eri tavalla, mutta en nyt mene korjaamaan, kun en ole täysin varma. Laitan kuitenkin tähän ne kohdat, mitkä pistivät silmääni:

Woman was hid under her cloak

Tähän kohtaan sopisi paremmin mielestäni was hiding, sillä eikös tuo tapahtuma ole kestomuodossa? Ainakin omassa päässäni näin kuulostaisi järkevämmältä.

Could anybody know something about that roar in the village?

Tämän lauseen sanajärjestys on hieman oudosti ja en ensin tajunnut tämän lauseen tarkoitusta. "Could anybody in the village know somathing about that roar?" <- tämä on sujuvampi vaihtoehto ja saa varmaankin selvää lauseen tarkoituksesta paremmin.

It stopped my all spells

"It stopped all of my spells" <- kuulosta jälleen kerran hieman sujuvammalta.


Ihan loistava tarina siis, jään innolla odottamaan jatkoa ja tulen lukemaan tätä tarinaa jatkossakin. Englannin kieliset tarinat ovatkin harvinaista herkkua täällä polissa.

[Lazuri]

Kiitos kommentistasi.

Tosiaan nuo muutamat kohdat olivat epähuomiossa jääneet huonoiksi. Korjasin ne nyt, kun ne kerran huomasit.

Päähenkilöitä unohdin täysin kuvata. Lisäilen niitä piakkoin.

E: Muokkasin tarinaa hieman alusta ja kirjoitin uuden kappaleen.

[Lazuri]

Bump.

Uusi kappale lisätty, Hekate korjasi virheet. Kommenttia kiitos.

[Zero]

Hienoa englantia totta tosiaan, ja tarinan nimikin on ihan hyvästä päästä. Jatka nyt samaan malliin, ja sitten sit lisää tarinoita, kuhan keksit.